Monday, November 19, 2012

When what others have to offer is not enough



Life gives each of us our very own journey with paths that others may not take and may criticize you for taking. Don't concern yourself with what others think of you and the paths that you choose to take on your journey. It's YOUR journey divinely crafted for you! Embrace your journey with an open mind knowing that you are evolving and growing at precisely the rate that is meant for you! 
~ Leisa Monique

So often we are consumed with our own wants, desires and needs ( or what we think we want, desire and need), that we have lost compassion for others. We cannot seem to see outside of ourselves and what we think is “right” or the right thing to do and often criticize others who do not perform the way that we would or act in the same way or handle a particular situation the way that we think is the best way to handle it. It seems that we have become a nation of people that are so consumed with our own wants and desires that we completely disregard how others may think or feel even socially criminalizing them for being who they are.

I understand and encourage a healthy relationship with and luv of ourselves. I teach it, coach people on it and write about luving ourselves and honoring our own needs and desires. But what I’m talking about here is disregarding or dishonoring what others have to offer or where they are in their lives at this moment in time. It seems that we have become so consumed with ourselves that we have lost (or perhaps never learned) the ability to get outside of ourselves and see and feel for others and accept them for who they are and where they are on their journey of life. Understand that not everyone is where you are in life! Not everyone has experienced what you have experienced and not everyone sees the world the way you see it. Everyone is on their own life path not on yours. 

We seem to have a problem with the way others handle situations that come up in daily life. What I mean is we seem to expect that others will behave the way that we would behave or handle a particular situation the way we would handle it and when they don’t it’s a problem…for us!

What is it that has made us the way we are? Is it past traumatic experiences that have led us to create a “safe zone” for ourselves and an expectation that others should operate within that zone for us to be comfortable? Wait! What was that? Yes, I said that often we create a “safe zone” for ourselves that is usually triggered by past traumas that we have experienced and because we are so consumed with ourselves and our own feelings, we automatically expect that others will operate within that zone and it’s all so that WE don’t feel uncomfortable or feel disappointment or pain. Venturing outside of the safe zone creates stress and major discomfort for most of us and when others' behavior is outside of OUR safe zone expectations it creates stress for us often triggering past experiences that we have yet to work through.

What we have to understand is that each of us offers the world what we have at that moment in life. What we have to offer is usually based on what we have learned and experienced up to that point. We also have to understand that each of us is evolving and growing at every moment in life whether we know it or not. With each experience we learn something new about ourselves or a new way to handle what life offers us. Hurting someone may cause you to evaluate the way you treat people. Making a mistake may cause you to evaluate the decisions you have made that led up to the "mistake." Mishandling a situation, whatever it may be,  may cause you to evaluate the way you see life and how you make decisions. 

Experiences have a way of making you look at yourself (hopefully and eventually) and how you see the world and the people around you. The key is not only allowing yourself to be where you are but allowing others to be where they are and understand that what they are offering to the world is what they have...at that moment. Wanting anything different from someone than what they are offering at that moment is often what leads to sadness and pain and even anger. 

Accept where others are in life and accept what they have to offer. If what others are offering is not acceptable or enough for you perhaps it's time to look at yourself and ask the question "why?" It may very well be that you are a bit more evolved in your thinking or it may be that you are just in a different place and have different needs. That's OK as long as you not only honor yourself but honor others as well. Don't get so consumed in you own wants and desires that you lose compassion for someone else in the process. if you need to move on from that person then do so but make sure you are doing so in luv and not out of anger because they are not living up to your expectations. Honoring our own healthy needs and desires is fine and encouraged but make sure that they come from a healthy place and not a place of anger, hurt and pain. Accept what others have to offer you as their gift and allow it be enough.  #EMDF